Stimulation Day 1 Coming up.....

Sorry I haven't been blogging much. It was the end of school and it is just a crazy time of year. Plus I have been to the beach the past two weekends. :) It was very nice and relaxing trips and I really enjoyed it.

Most of you saw all the medicines I got in the mail. I came home from work and there was a huge box on my front porch. I laid out all the medicine and just couldn't believe it. This made me very nervous because I am terrified of needles and some were HUGE and some didn't look so bad. Well the next day I started to take Lupron along with some other things. My mom came over to help me set up the shot and I did it all by myself. :) I was so proud of myself because I am terrified of needles. I have to do this shot between 4 and 6 each day. I was at the beach this weekend and had to do it in the car because I didn't want to go all the way back to the condo just to do the shot. There are a lot more medicines to come and I will keep you posted on them.

I go to the doctor this Friday for stimulation day 1. I can't believe it is all getting so close. I am sure the doctor will tell me more medicines that I need to do after this day. Also, I have to stop working out and swimming this Friday. I know it will all be worth it, but that is very hard for me. I love love working out. It is my stress release. Plus I LOVE swimming during the summer. My parents have a pool. I will not be able to swim most of the summer espcially if the IVF works(fingers crossed).

My feelings and emotions have actually been okay lately. Now my husband might think differently :) I am really nervous though. I really want this to work. God will take care of us and we just have to stay positive.

less than a month and 9 days away :)

First off, school is almost over. I have nine more days left with my sweet fourth graders and I will be moving to third next year! Am I excited? YES and NO! I love my new team but will miss my old one tremendously. I know we will still work at the same school but it is hard. I call them Momma Doz and Grandma Mos. They take care of me and really treat me like their daughter. I am so very lucky to have them as teammates. My girls next year are AWESOME too! I will work with Colbi and Olivia. We are around the same age. Wait, I think I am the oldest ha! They are very sweet and encouraging girls and I am excited to spend some time with them! Did I say just 9 more days! This has been a VERY stressful year! ha!

Now onto the good things.... We are less than a month away from the big retrieval day which is June 5. I am feeling anxious and excited. I start my real medicines next week and I am super nervous about that b/c I HATE shots. I feel so sorry for whoever gives them to me. I am really going to try to give them to myself this time because I have so many. The pharmacy called last week to tell me about the medicines and there were 10 different medicines. TEN!!!!!!!!! That is a lot of medicine and of course insurance covers NONE. Why would they do something like that? ha! So ignore my emotions for the next month please. If you see me crying it is okay and if I am moody well that is going to be okay :) My poor hubby will have to deal with most of it b/c normally when I stress I work out. Well I can't work out and I can't swim. I am just going to find some amazing shows on Netflix and lounge in bed.

On another note, my moms birthday is tomorrow and Mother's Day is this Sunday. I am blessed beyond belief with an amazing mom who is always there for me and makes me smile! She will do anything and everything for me and I love her so much! Thank you for always being there for me mom and I hope to be the same type of mom you have been for me! She might kill me but tonight is a picture of my mom dancing on a cruise we went on :) She is not shy by any means and will dance to whatever she wants :)

Medicine......

So I did start on birth control as I stated before... Well I have never done birth control and it is making my body feel weird at times. I guess getting me ready for all of the medicines I will take during the process and a week before. I actually start medicine on May 15. This is the day after Field Day at my school which I am happy with because I want to enjoy Field Day with my kiddos at work. I emailed the financial lady at Advanced and she could only give me an estimate of how much my medicine will be. Okay are you ready for this... This is not on top of the $12,200 we have already put down. It will be about $5,000. That is just crazy to me and of course insurance does not cover any of it. Oh well.. What can you do :) Things will work out and I am trying not to let it stress me out. I have been doing much better with that lately. Hopefully it stays the same as time gets closer.

On another note, my husband is the sweetest guy ever. He was talking about how he is just going to sit around with me and not leave me alone during this time. I can't do much of anything during this process. They even told me not to TWIST. ha! I love him with all of my heart and this process has helped our relationship grow so strong. He is always there for me and deals with my moodiness :) Poor guy! I love you baby!

HOPE

As I sit here and watch Giuliana and Bill I cry as they hear the news that they are expecting. I have struggled with fertility and have watched their show from day 1... I have seen their struggles with IVF and then she discovered she had breast cancer. She beat the cancer and they had to go through surrogacy and it worked :) Ryan and I have talked about this and will cross that rode if needed in the future! I am just beyond excited for them and we have HOPE :)

I can't wait to hear the good news again that we are pregnant... That was the best feeling in the world..  I think about the whole process and get excited and nervous at the same time... My IVF nurse (who I drive crazy) emailed me today with a new protocol. I will now have my retrieval date on June 5 and then the transfer 3 to 5 days later.. I am excited it is going to happen earlier than expected and nervous too. I cannot express how much I want a family. I think I will be a nervous wreck until we find out if it worked or not. I know that being so open with the process I am going to tell everyone on my blog and know that will be a joyous or very hard time. But it will all work out in God's timing and we have the love and support of our friends and family.

 We definitely had an obstacle thrown our way this week. My husband's truck messed up and now we have to fix something on it. I am telling you, when it rains it POURS. I am trying not to stress about it because I know all things will work out.

I will tell you this! This baby is going to be CELEBRATED!!!! I will never want to let it go and I will be FAT and sick all of the time. It will all be worth it!!

Today's picture is from a cruise we went on with both set of parents during Thanksgiving. My husband is very artistic and talented. On this particular day, I was just staring off and thinking about everything. My mind wonders and sometimes I can be really quiet(shocking) and just can't help but think about everything going on. I remember this day clearly because that morning we found out our procedure that we did to get pregnant did not work. I thought to myself I am not going to give up and we will move on to the next step!!

Thank you for your purchase......

Well today I finally got everything straightened out with the company we are financing through for the IVF. It took about a week but it finally happened. Well I got an email from the lady I have been communicating with and it said thank you for your purchase. I just thought that was a funny way of putting that with what we are doing :)
Well I went to the doctor today and on the way there had to drink a bunch of water. I mean A LOT of water. If you know me, I have a very small bladder and use the restroom constantly esp when I am drinking water. Well I get in the doctor's office and the lady could tell I really had to use the restroom so they got me back right away. Well they did a uterus check and she said it was WONDERFUL.. Then I had my yearly check up and did some other test. Then, finally she let me use the restroom and I had to go back and do an ultrasound. She said my bladder was full again while doing the ultrasound. Then, I had to go do some blood work and talk with the financial counselor. It was a long but good visit. Luckily I don't have to go in again until June 2. Tiffany(my wonderful IVF nurse) called and I am on birth control. I only take the active pills and this helps with my lining and keeping me from having a cycle before then. I have never been on birth control so this should be interesting...

Well here is my protocol for the next few months :) Please continue to pray for us through this journey and I will be posting on here a good bit to keep people updated..

You are to start birth control pills tonight. Take ACTIVE pills only. You will be starting lupron ( this is an injection that prevents you from ovulating) on 5/23. (We will call and tell you how to do this injection the day before.) Take your last ACTIVE birth control pill on 5/27. You will need to be here 6/2 @ 8:00am for bloodwork and ultrasound. This is called stimulation day one. You will most likely be starting the fertility drugs that night. We will talk to you that day and give you more information about what meds you will be starting, etc. Starting 6/2, you will coming into the office very often and at one point you'll be here everyday. Your projected retrieval day is 6/13/12. This is projected and could change based off how you stimulate. You will be under anesthesia & your husband will also need to be here to give a specimen. It will be either 3 or 5 days later that we do a transfer. Pregnancy test is roughly two weeks from retrieval day.

I am feeling a little better about the financial end... Just hoping it works out because I get scared on how we are going to be able to afford this.

Today is a picture of my in laws, brother in law, sister in law, and sweet Teagan. They are very supportive through this process and I am very lucky to have them!! I love you all very much!

Beyond overwhelmed......

You know I sit here and wonder how in the world can we afford this process.... It is hard not to stress and I understand it will be okay and things will work out but in the back of my mind I just struggle with understanding that... I sit in bed at night for hours and hours wondering okay how are we going to pay for this, that and everything else. I have so many medical bills from previous procedures, my surgery for my miscarriage, and so forth. Granted I have been able to pay everything each month but adding on another expense and depleting savings is hard for me to grasp. Then in the back of my head I wonder how are we going to be able to afford this child when he or she is here.... Also, it might even be more than one!!! I am definately not a person to complain but I really need prayers right now... I know I do not need to be stressed during this process but I am having a hard time of not doing so... Sometimes I wonder why this is happening to me and do not wish this upon anyone... My poor husband is completely It is one of the hardest things I have been through besides losing someone close to me!

Honestly I hate even complaining but getting this out helps me in ways.... I know things could be worse.... Honestly I am very thankful for my life. Thank you to everyone for the sweet words and prayers.

Here we come IVF

Well I know it has been awhile since I have wrote.. Life has been really busy for me. I am working 40 plus hours a week, getting my Master's degree, and was working on losing weight and getting fit. Well I am finished with my Master's degree in 3 weeks :) It has been a long time coming but I am very excited about this. Then, I have lost a total of 15 pounds and 30 inches in 2 months or so. I plan to lose 10 more before the end of school fingers crossed :) Now lets get to IVF.

Well we went to the doctor in March. Ryan's mom went with us. We wanted to talk to the doctor about other options because we want to do what is best. Well, she told us right off the bat that IVF would be best for us because of how long we have been trying... Well I knew in the back of my head she was going to say that but to actually hear that was different. She talked to us about it and then a financial person came in and showed the numbers. I immediately started crying and thinking oh my goodness this much of a price and it is not even a guarantee. Well honestly I am not going to talk about money in this blog because it really stresses me out to no end. So we are doing IVF in June. Am I excited? YES and no.... Our doctor believes we have a really good chance of this working out and that makes me hopeful. Also, it will be in God's timing when we do have a baby... I am nervous about it not working and all what is involved. It is a lot on my body and hormones(poor Ryan). Well our retrieval date is around June 13 and the transfer will be 3 to 5 days later. So we should know by the end of June if we are going to have a little one again. We are hoping and praying that it works out for us. I will tell you that we will only do IVF twice and then maybe go to other options.
I am very fortunate for the people I have in my life who support me through this process. My husband is amazing and just lets me cry. My co workers at work just sit and listen and let me cry in the hallway. I try to remain strong but this is honestly one of the hardest things I have been through in my life..... I will be on this more and more updating on meds, dates, feelings, etc. I believe one day that someone else will needs someone to talk to through this journey and I know from experience it is nice to talk to someone going through the same journey.
Today I am putting a picture of my sweet puppy Scarlet. She is the best puppy and is my child right now! We love her unconditionally!