This is the week...

I am very excited about this Friday. I am sure the week will go by slow but I really hope not.. I am always so busy during the week and I think that helps. I am really trying to lose some weight before our cruise in November. I am working out everyday and trying to watch what I eat. I am doing Bethany's Bootcamp in Sept-Nov :) I can't wait! I did a few years back and it was such a good workout and I love working out outside... She does a really good job motivating people so if you want a good workout you should try her! So doing that will definitely keep me busy and taking classes two nights a week and working full time :) My emotions have been kind of crazy lately.. Poor Ryan! I think things just catch up to me at times and I just melt or shut down. I am very very bad about shutting down during hard times. I don't like to talk about my problems because I don't want to be a burden on people and I want people to think I am fine! I am trying to work on that but it is VERY hard. Please just keep us in your prayers on Friday as we start another journey!
On a better note, I have so many things going on the next few months. My 10 year reunion is next month!!!! WOW I am going to be 30 next year! I just can't believe it has been ten years! I am excited to see some people and hang out with old friends! We are going to a football game and Jones Creek the next night! Plus I am going with a really good friend that I haven't hung out with in awhile! I am excited to get caught up with her :) Then, my friend Trish is getting married in October! We have bunches of showers and JASON ALDEAN to go too! It will def be fun! My friend Stevie and I have our birthdays in October! I just can't believe I will be 29! That just blows my mind! She is going to throw a huge Halloween party! After Halloween, my husband and I are going on a cruise with my mom and dad and his mom and dad!! We are both VERY excited about that!!!!! :) And to save the best for last... Christmas is right after :) I just love Christmas!! I love being around family and just seeing all the lights and decorating my house! Hopefully during these fun times we will find out we are pregnant! So I am pretty much booked until December which I love because it will make Christmas come faster!
The picture today is of my best friend Erin :) She has been there for me through thick and thin and we have so much fun together!!!! I truly am so thankful for our friendship and love her dearly!

Staying Busy and life

Today I came to the realization of how busy I really am. I work 40+ hours a week, go to school two nights a week, clean my house, homework, school work on top of the 40+ hours, tutor on Friday afternoon, and exercise daily. Like today I came home and made lunch for tomorrow, rain 4.5 miles(which felt wonderful), worked on part of an assignment, cleaned some around the house and not finally have some time to rest at 9pm. I actually like being busy though because I know in May I will be done with another year of school and have my Master's degree! :)
Well yesterday was my daddy's birthday! I have to say I am very blessed to have such an amazing mom and dad! They are both always here for me and stand by my side no matter what my decision is! I will always be a daddy's girl and I am so proud of it! If something is wrong and I can't get a hold of my hubby I call my dad. Now when I first got married that was a very hard thing to do! I always called my dad no matter what first or even my mom! But I call the hubs first now and then mom and dad :) I remember one time I was really stressed out and my parents were on a cruise and I called their answering machine and just cried! I know one day Ryan and I will be like that for our child.
My doctor's appt got changed. They called me today and said that they couldn't meet on Sept 3 which is a Saturday. Well the next Saturday wasn't open until October! I just can't wait that long so I am going by myself next Friday morning! Ryan can't miss work yet and they said it was okay to be alone! I am beyond excited about this appt and it can't get here fast enough! I want to take the next step and get things started! They were very sweet and nice on the phone which I need! I need that little comfort when I go in for each appt!
Tonight's picture is of Ryan and I :) We like to make funny faces in pictures! We actually haven't done one of these in awhile!

Thoughts just keep going..............

I try and try so hard not to think about being pregnant. People tell me that most of the time if you just stop and relax it will happen.. Well we did that for 2 years before we did fertility and it never happened. I am not trying to be negative about it, but it is hard to think that way. Honestly, when I thought I wasn't pregnant the second time we were going to stop because the next step for us was to do IVF and that cost a pretty penny. We wanted to save up as much money as we could. Then, I found out I was pregnant. My heart just fell in love with the little one inside me the day I found out! We had worked so hard and prayed and prayed about this. My body had been through so much. I was on so many different meds and shots. I would just cry at the drop of anything and I felt exhausted physically and mentally. I was so worried that I found out so late in the pregnancy that I was pregnant. Honestly, it is hard not to blame myself b/c what if I knew I was pregnant and was monitored and they could have stopped the miscarriage. Yes I know I shouldn't think that way but I do..... The D&C was the worse thing I have been through. I am terrified of any type of surgery but this surgery was the worse by far.... The emotions that ran through my head during this whole time were mind boggling. My thought was I just lost someone whom I never met who was so special to me!! So I was in the mindset that we were definitely going to take a break this time. However, I need the help to get pregnant. Yes I know it could happen naturally but that has never worked for us and I am ready to move on. I know my body is going to endure some meds and shots again and that I will be emotionally unstable at times.. But I want that... I want the chance again to get pregnant and hopefully have a healthy pregnancy... I hear and see people who are pregnant and talking about their little ones. I really want to have that feeling. I don't care if my baby keeps me up all day and night.. To have that little precious one in my hands will be the best feeling in the world. I know we will have to sacrifice but it will be the best sacrifice ever! Honestly though I am scared of having another miscarriage but that will be the risk I have to take.... I know I have the support and encouragement of friends, family, and co workers! I am blessed beyond all measure... Our journey starts again in 12 days. Yes I am counting :) I know it is just a consult, but that is the next step to having a baby... I know my emotions will be all over the place again but I can handle this...

The picture tonight is of my family........... These people have been my rock through this whole journey besides my hubby! I am so blessed and love each and one of them!!! OH yeh and the guy in the middle is turning 41 this year! Just thought I would let ya'll know!!! LOVE YOU BOBBY!!!!

Scarlet

We got a puppy about two years ago. I was very hesitant about getting one and took me about a year to finally say yes! I surprised Ryan for Christmas and she is the best puppy ever! She drives me crazy but I love coming home to her everyday and hate leaving her when we are on vacation. I honestly believe dogs know when you are upset. She has been such a support for me and loves on me when I need it! We both love her very dearly and our so thankful we have her!

3rd time...

Let me begin by saying thank you to everyone for the prayers and sweet messages you have sent us throughout this journey. Ya'll are amazing and we are very fortunate to have such wonderful family and friends.... The reason for starting this blog is to keep family and friends updated on our journey and for me to write out everything that is on my mind. If you know me very well, you know I keep things in and I am coming to realize that is not what I should do.. I need to talk about what is going on so I can move forward....
Well as most of you know, my husband and I started trying a few years back. Every month I would just get excited hoping this would be the month. Well it didn't happen so we went to my OBGYN. He guided us in the right direction and well we did 3 months of chlomid and it didn't work.. So we decided to see a fertility doctor. I never imagined that I would have to take the steps of going to see a fertility doctor. I was a nervous wreck on our first appointment. For about 2 months my Dr. examined me and did various test. Well, we found out that I do not ovulate normally. So we moved on to an IUI. An IUI is intrauterine insemination. We had our first IUI in January of 2011. I didn't know what to expect with it and it wasn't that bad. Well we found out later that month that it didn't work. I had an idea back in my head that it wouldn't but I couldn't help but keep my hopes up. We decided to give ourselves a break because literally when you are doing insemination you are on a calendar. We did IUI #2 in May. It was the day of field day at my school and I had to leave early. I was so excited and hoping and praying that this one would work. Well it got to be the end of the month and I had my yearly checkup at my OBGYN. Well they said the test was negative. I held back my tears and just wondered when would it be my turn. I had friends that were expecting and yes I was SOOOO very excited for them but jealous at the same time. Well the month of June went on and we went on a family vacation to Panama City. Before we left I was feeling tired and naucious throughout the days. I was going to take a test down there but decided not to because I just knew I wasn't. We came back home and went to eat with Ryan's mom to TGI Friday's. Well she had some sort of fish and the smell was HORRIBLE to me. Well Ryan and I went to Kroger across the street and he told me to just buy one and take it. Well I really had to use the restroom so I went into Kroger and did it :) Well it came out positive and I was just in SHOCK. I was thinking in my head I am almost 8 weeks pregnant and didn't even know. I came out of the bathroom and Ryan could tell from the look on my face. We were both VERY excited but in shock. Well I went and had bloodwork the next day and went to my fertility doctor and had a sonogram and got to hear the heartbeat. It was the most amazing thing to see my little peanut inside of my tummy. Yes, we called it our little peanut :) Well the next few days I slept a lot and was tired 24/7. It was time for vacation again and we went to New York. Everyone already knew except Ryan's parents. Ryan and I bought shirts that said here comes trouble and bun in the oven and wore them with his parents. They were so excited along with everyone else! We spend about 3 days in New York and come back to go to the Dr. Well I wasn't that tired anymore or feeling sick. I thought I was the lucky one who just got rid of it so fast. We were both sitting in the doctors office and I was so excited to have another sonogram. Well we get back there and see little peanut but do not hear anything. I just thought we woudln't hear the heartbeat today. They send us to another room and my Dr. comes in and says I am sorry but there was no heartbeat. I lost it and just could not get it together. I was just thinking that we have been through so much and then to have a miscarriage. My hubby and the Dr. were so supportive through this time and the Dr. knew that I would not remember anything he said. My emotions were just all over the place and I know many people have been through miscarriages. Well my Dr. could not do my D&C the next day so we had to wait 3 days until Monday. I was so nervous about that and telling everyone the news. We came up with so many creative ways to tell everyone and then I would have to tell them about the miscarriage. Well I had to go through Pre Op and get all of my instructions for the D&C. Then, we had to leave the hospital and go get my prescriptions. All I could think was I just want to go home and soak in what I was just told. We finally made it home and Ryan and I both thought maybe it would be a good idea to go hang out with friends. Well, we went and I lost it at the restaurant and we went home... The day finally came for the D&C and boy was that a procedure. The doctors and nurses treated me so nice that day. I had to relax for a few weeks and let my body heal.... School started back and it was nice because it got my minds off things. Honestly though everyday I think about my miscarriage, but at the same time I am happy because I know I can get pregnant. I just went in for my follow up a few days ago and my doctor recommended different fertility doctors to me. Yes we are going to change doctors just because of personal reasons... Well we both decided we are going to try a doctor in Lexington, SC. Our first appointment is on Sept 2(Saturday). Please keep us in your prayers throughout another journey of fertility. I am very hopeful that it will work and know one day I will have a sweet baby boy or girl :) Thank you again for all of the prayers and sweet messages. Our family and friends are so important to us and the support is WONDERFUL!!!