I try and try so hard not to think about being pregnant. People tell me that most of the time if you just stop and relax it will happen.. Well we did that for 2 years before we did fertility and it never happened. I am not trying to be negative about it, but it is hard to think that way. Honestly, when I thought I wasn't pregnant the second time we were going to stop because the next step for us was to do IVF and that cost a pretty penny. We wanted to save up as much money as we could. Then, I found out I was pregnant. My heart just fell in love with the little one inside me the day I found out! We had worked so hard and prayed and prayed about this. My body had been through so much. I was on so many different meds and shots. I would just cry at the drop of anything and I felt exhausted physically and mentally. I was so worried that I found out so late in the pregnancy that I was pregnant. Honestly, it is hard not to blame myself b/c what if I knew I was pregnant and was monitored and they could have stopped the miscarriage. Yes I know I shouldn't think that way but I do..... The D&C was the worse thing I have been through. I am terrified of any type of surgery but this surgery was the worse by far.... The emotions that ran through my head during this whole time were mind boggling. My thought was I just lost someone whom I never met who was so special to me!! So I was in the mindset that we were definitely going to take a break this time. However, I need the help to get pregnant. Yes I know it could happen naturally but that has never worked for us and I am ready to move on. I know my body is going to endure some meds and shots again and that I will be emotionally unstable at times.. But I want that... I want the chance again to get pregnant and hopefully have a healthy pregnancy... I hear and see people who are pregnant and talking about their little ones. I really want to have that feeling. I don't care if my baby keeps me up all day and night.. To have that little precious one in my hands will be the best feeling in the world. I know we will have to sacrifice but it will be the best sacrifice ever! Honestly though I am scared of having another miscarriage but that will be the risk I have to take.... I know I have the support and encouragement of friends, family, and co workers! I am blessed beyond all measure... Our journey starts again in 12 days. Yes I am counting :) I know it is just a consult, but that is the next step to having a baby... I know my emotions will be all over the place again but I can handle this...
The picture tonight is of my family........... These people have been my rock through this whole journey besides my hubby! I am so blessed and love each and one of them!!! OH yeh and the guy in the middle is turning 41 this year! Just thought I would let ya'll know!!! LOVE YOU BOBBY!!!!
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